Another short one, and spoiler alert, this is depression/lack of self worth speaking.
So recently I’ve just gotten back into seriously giving acting a go. And in all seriousness, I’m doing kinda well. I have four auditions this week, some paid, some not and I don’t even have an agent. I’m trying to empower myself to write every day and try to get words on paper in regards to a pitch for a pop culture related TV show. In short:
I am doing many things.
So why do I feel like shit about it?
My partner Issy listed a concern that has been plaguing my mind since- “I think you’ve got your fingers in too many pies.”
This isn’t news to anybody who knows me.
I do kids parties:
What’s that? My instagram? Follow me if you want. :3
Find the product placement!
Well he called me chicken! NOBODY CALLS ME CHICKEN!
That place isn’t a comedy venue anymore. I blame myself.
And Voice Acting
Today I have an audition for a radio serial with other creative comedians, and I’m super excited. But I yearn for results on paper. Real, tangible success, ideally in money form.
Remember that Beyonce article I wrote? It still holds true. But the problem, I’ve come to realize- is I don’t know what I want. I’m 24. I’m good at writing stories, I’m good at making voices, I’m good at making people laugh and I’m good at pretending to be someone else.
Which begs the question? Am I doomed to live a life of mediocrity because I can’t “get focused enough”? Do I really have to plod through who knows how much mediocre film scripts or uninspired comedy shows because I’ve got to pick one thing?
My desire for respect says yes. But my creative urges say Fuck. That.
So what do do? I guess it’s just a long journey of me growing to accept that it might not get me to the position I want in life (at least not any time soon), but I can’t give up any of these things I do that make me happy, anymore than I could choose which child to abandon.
I’m with these shitty, unprofitable kids to the end. I just hope they’ll start help paying the rent soon.
Update: I got the gig! I’m gonna be in a radio serial! Hooray!