Craving Structure

It’s been about a week since my last entry, and I have a few things to report.

The gig I was hoping to get? I didn’t get it. C’est la vie, I was down to one other person and the other guy was a better fit. Wish I got it, just so I could’ve been considered a full time actor… But one way or another I’ll get there.

Child care study is going well- in fact I’m feeling on top of all my work for the first time in forever, but I know that I can’t let that feeling overtake my work ethic. I’ve also landed myself two freelance jobs, one as a childcare teacher/performer and the other operating photobooths for events.

The honest truth of it all though- is that I’m kind of tired of waiting for performance to just knock on my door. I want to make my own things- I want to prove I have what it takes, and to do that I need money. So as of a few days ago I’ve made a point to try and secure permanent part time work at a child care centre somewhere.

I love my life. I love my new city. Already I feel like work is always waiting around the corner. In fact, I have two auditions for different children related work which is super awesome even if my brain is telling me super hard not to do it (Depression lies, folks).

But I’m tired of not having a schedule, living hand to mouth and most importantly- not knowing where my next payment is going to come from. Maybe I can justify that life again when I have some consistent well paying gigs, but for now, it just isn’t happening.

It’s honestly a little scary to be admitting my desire for “adult work”, this is how it starts, as they say. Will my passion be consumed by a lifestyle informed by the $ I’m earning? I’m fairly confident one way or another that the universe will give me a swift kick in the balls if I even consider it too hard.

This is not a bad thing. I have ideas, for film, plays and stories. But I need equipment and contacts and I can’t do that if I’m constantly keeping my schedule open and have to decide whether I want to eat or pay for gas.

Slight level up none the less? Let’s call it 500 xp. 🙂

Have a good thursday!